I am young but I am not free. 19 years of my life have come and gone, and yet I have not achieved anything I had set out to.
Every dream I had, has been shot down by society’s rigid standards and by the human desire for money, power and glory.
They were not my desires, but desires set upon me by people who I looked up to; people who were supposed to help me achieve my dreams.
I had dreams of becoming a writer; a beautiful poet; but through a series of hapless events, I saw my dreams dashed and broken like stars in the night sky.
But I did not mind as I was told that it takes losing everything you wanted, to appreciate what true freedom is.
Most nights I sit by the ocean and look at the night sky and take in all its beauty and tranquility.
Some say, the crack in the horizon is the entrance to the underworld, but on some nights it could feel like Paradise.
I had nothing, but I wanted everything.
I chased every experience that could lead me closer to Paradise with a fire that no one could contain.
I was obsessed with chasing Paradise; the freedom and liberation that it could bring; and it terrified me.
The fire once inconsumable by anything was slowly put out by my own insecurities.
Paradise was no longer what it seemed and I was happiest with blood dripping out from my arms.
Paradise became hell and darkness consumed me.
Life no longer held any meaning and I yearned for death.
I became a prisoner of my mind; locked away in my head, trapping myself further every time I leave words unsaid.
I search the Earth for a piece of me, for a peace within.
I belonged to everyone but belonged to no one; trapped in the eternal loneliness of my mind.
24 July 2014